too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
