I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize