did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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