Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
