tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Two words: nipple clamps
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