take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
