i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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