she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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