i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
soo... how was my night?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
