Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
the raccoons are back...
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