dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
