Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
