they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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