im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
