Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
