I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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