And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
