i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
