I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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