false alarm. still invincible.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
