Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
