she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm both gender and math confused
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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