doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
