I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
