Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
