im six kinds of drunk right now
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i think im in europe. pls send help
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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