he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
