so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
