No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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