Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
