i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
