The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize