drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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