i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
