yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
