i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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