through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
