im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
