it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
