She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
