he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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