Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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