so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
