I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
