my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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