I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
two words: eviction party
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
And then he peed in my hair
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