Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize