I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
