yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
