he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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