That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
