I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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