so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
