All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize