I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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