I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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