I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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