they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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