then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
