He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
