He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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