Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize