So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
