I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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