I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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