if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize