You smell like a Billy Joel song
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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