On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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