tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
