you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
