Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
