If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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