Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Randomize