did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize