I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
