Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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