I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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