I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
