before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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