Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize