my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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