Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
