I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize