I could make wine with my vomit
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
did i walk over a car last night?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
