Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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