I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
